TROY'S REVIEW: Well one thing's for sure; were there an Oscar for most confusing foreign film, then this IFD cut & paste masterpiece *cough* would have surely scooped the 1985 accolade! Yes indeed, this demented effort mixes together a heady mix of rape, murder, diamond smuggling, twin sisters, a bald man with a mental disability and last but not least, ninjas, to form a somewhat less than cohesive whole. Having said this, regular viewers of IFD fare will have doubtlessly become more than accustomed to the inevitable state of psychological disorientation that said films inevitably render. Fans of the mighty Dragon Lee will no doubt rush to watch this to see the great martial artist in action. Only trouble is, he actually appears in said film for about five seconds! But enough of such inconsequential factors. Simply put, one cannot say to have lived until one has beheld the wondrous spectacle of the finale in this film.

Witness with thy mouths agape as evil, red ninja boss Maurice (Pierre Tremblay) reveals unto good guy ninja Donald (Bruce Baron...who the hell thinks up this names?!) the nature of his master plan. And what a plan it is too! Frankly, the said schemes absurd complexity and nonsensical logic would surely be baffling enough to stump even Stephen Hawking! Indeed, seemingly unimpressed by said dastardly plot (and presumably not having understood one iota of it anyway) our hero promptly challenges the sneering, maniacally laughing Maurice to final ninja combat (in what appears to be a children's play area) whereupon the villain receives an abrupt lesson in the strategic vulnerabilities of performing combative moves whilst dangling off of a climbing frame. Absolutely essential viewing for IFD ninja fans. Just make sure to have a psychoanalyst on standby for afterwards.

TROY'S REVIEW: Yet more ninja lunacy starring the incomparable Alexander Lou now and what an entry this proves to be! Lou plays Brian who is working as a heavy for all round bad guy Lucifer (no really, that is his name!). Anyway, to cut a long story short, Brian eventually tires of the incessant violence and cruelty he is expected to dish out on Lucifer's whim; a moral wavering which displeases Lucifer somewhat...enough to have Brian bumped off in fact! Luckily, the attempt fails and instead the plot only claims the life of Mabel, Brian's girlfriend. Lucky for Brian, not so much for poor Mabel of course. Needless to say, this spurs Brian to seek revenge, which he does... in style! Accompanied by a friend (the ever fun Eugene Thomas), Brian launches an all out attack on Lucifer's hideout. If you enjoy completely over the top finales, you'll be in your element with this one! This blood spitting climax isn't something you're ever likely to forget! Also known as Ninja Condors 13.

TROY'S REVIEW: Here we are again with yet another dose of cut & paste ninja goodness as dished out by that master of the direct to video crap-tacular, Mr. Tomas Tang. In fact, this entry wastes no time at all in starting off in the inept manner it means to go on... namely by listing completely erroneous cast credits. A tremendous start I'm sure you'll agree. Yes, incompetence is very much the name of the game here, with the usual quota of bad dubbing, hopeless editing and abysmal acting - well everything in fact. But when did such an inconsequential factor as quality ever bother our man Tang? Of course it never did and frankly, he was quite correct as it happens, at least as regards to his cut & paste ninja turd-fests, for what they lacked in anything remotely resembling coherent story telling and overall quality, they invariably more than made up for in unintentional hilarity. Sure enough, the film here is no exception and it is precisely the gross ineptitude that makes the film so much fun in the first place. For proof of the above, just check out the special (or more appropriately, not so special) effects in this for a start. Trust me when I say this - you will never in your life witness again such a hopeless attempt to show invisibility on screen! And don't even get me started on the ninja snake charming, dimension bending, ninja cloning, a spiky umbrella used as a weapon and last but not least, a ninja earthquake! Ah, good old Tomas Tang; For consistently demented and entertaining output, you simply can't beat the man! Also known as Ninja Warriors From Beyond.

Neither a demon's massacre or barely a ninja flick, Tomas Tang still finds time after his made-up credits to inject his favourite movie content at random, illogical points. With Stuart Smith playing the CIA operative Robinson Collins, something is surely being done right in Tang's production looking at the character name alone! Then intercutting their modern day cop vs. thugs plot with a rather stale Thai action/adventure where a rural setting becomes the center for power struggles of some kind, Ninja, Demon's Massacre is really an assault on the senses because you'll literally get a headache trying to figure out what on earth is going on and why. Best not though as Western-genre esthetics, CIA agents posing as tutors and a character firmly expressing that "5 days is enough time to know each other before marriage" are just further random elements created by Tang for the benefit of his own wallet. But by god, it is thoroughly fascinating to see this commercial machine at work. A highly off-key, rusty machine that figures logic is not in the tiny details. The excuse for getting ninjas (with even cheaper suits than in an IFD flick. I.e. no headbands) into the mayhem then? Add a soothing narration about the Robinson Collins character being good friends with the golden ninjas. As far fetched as it is, at least we get a first encounter of what happens when a golden ninja is defeated. Yep, last tactic is to explode! Nothing is good though and sometimes barely so bad that it's good but as always, if you've gone this far, might as well like something like Ninja, Demon's Massacre a bit too. Even if it's your mind post-viewing that actually entertains you.

TROY'S REVIEW: Regular IFD ninja fans will delight to know that this stars everyone's favourite crap actor Stuart Smith who as always succeeds in delivering unto his loyal, legions (?) of fans, a sterling, over the top and frankly, mesmerizingly inept performance as all round bad guy Michael who we're expected to believe is the head of a gang of Filipino terrorists (courtesy of a completely different film of course) and who amongst other antisocial endeavors, are attempting to seize control of an emerald mine. Fair enough. Catching wind of Michael's crooked ambitions however, Interpol are none too impressed and resolve to sort matters out by sending in, Byron (played by fellow regular IFD actor, Bruce Baron), Michael's former Green Beret buddy and ninja to boot! Yep, as you can probably well imagine, a climatic battle between these two warriors is very much on the cards here and sure enough when Michael predictably refuses to come back to the United States to face the music for his crimes, there are no options left than for our boys to duke it out to the death in true ninja style. Filipino superstar and regular face in the numerous cut & paste flicks produced by IFD productions and Filmark International, Sorapong Chatri headlines in the non-ninja original film here (although I'll wager that he didn't receive any royalty payments for it) in which he seems to curiously spend the entire time being alternatively captured and beaten by various cronies. Nonetheless, it's the ninja action that really matters here so behold with amazement such scenes as Smith and Baron shown 'interacting' with members of the cast from the original film (solid editing there Godfrey...) and even better, check out the expletive filled diatribe from Smith's character at the end of this - priceless stuff indeed!

TROY'S REVIEW: Well, if the main body of the film is sadly not exactly spellbinding, luckily the voice over work more than makes up for it! Without doubt, herein lies some of the most ridiculously and hilariously over the top dubbing my ears have ever had the joy to behold. Just check out the very first scene in the film for a classic example, in which a group of men are sitting around a table playing a high stakes card game. I frankly defy anyone not to burst out laughing when the main bad guy at the head of the table remarks of Harrison's character after he has just left the room; 'Gordon's a real bastard!' - In full Cockney accent no less. Hell, the film is worth watching for this scene alone! Also of note are a few fun, albeit typically all too brief ninja duels with the finale ending on particularly abrupt note for one of the combatants. Ah, they just don't make them like this anymore.

TROY'S REVIEW: Are you all sitting comfortably? Good, then I shall begin... Bonnie and Brad are both ninjas who run a detective agency (what the hell?!) Bonnie is also searching for the present whereabouts of her sister who has gone missing from Judy Chen's modeling school along with a number of other women. In order to unravel this mystery, Bonnie subsequently infiltrates the school under the guise of an aspiring model herself. Meanwhile, Brad gets a phone call from Pam who apparently has evidence linking the said school to a prostitution ring run by Ringo, Judy's boyfriend. Unfortunately Pam is subsequently killed by Decker, a hit-man who works for an unnamed crime boss played by Cornish born, bad actor supreme Mike Abbott (here once more providing his own voice over in his broad West Country accent, but more on that later). As it happens, Abbott is also working with Tiger. Erm...Who the hell is Tiger?!, you might be asking. Well, he is in fact Ringo's boss. Brad subsequently starts to poke his nose into affairs, thus prompting Abbott to order his goons to kill him. Oh, did I happen to mention that Abbott and his men are also ninjas too?

Yes indeed, as you can quite clearly discern, the plot in this is as typically nonsensical as one has come to expect from an IFD production (and let us not forget that this is after all a Godfrey Ho film as well) But you know what? It is precisely such carelessness of plot, logic and continuity that makes for the charm in these flicks in the first place. The very best aspect of this film is undoubtedly Mike Abbott himself however and his hilarious over acting and inept line delivery. Not only this, but we are once again treated to the great man's own voice over, thus providing us with a slew of priceless dialogue including such classic lines as, 'You're all a bunch of filthy scums!' and 'Prepare to die, barrrrr-stud!' Absolutely, top class, bad movie fun! Also known as Ninja Knight: Thunder Fox.

TROY'S REVIEW: What does a suitcase full of drugs, a female prostitution racket, a magic ring, an evil wheel chair bound villain and lots and lots of ninjas have in common? Erm... well absolutely bugger all to be honest but humour me for a moment for they do happen to serve as the staple ingredients in this decidedly head scratching affair from Tomas Tang's infamous Filmark International. Yes indeed, as is very usually the case with our Tomas's output, what his films lack in even the remotest coherence, they more than compensate for in utter hilarity and true to form, this entry is no exception. Of special mention, I frankly defy anyone viewing this not to half-die of laughter during such scenes as the aforementioned wheel chair bound, bad guy's sudden miraculous rejuvenation. If you have a penchant for trash cinema, then you'll simply lap this up. Also known as Ninja's Extreme Weapons.

TROY'S REVIEW: Tomas Tang strikes once again with this Z-grade, cut and splice ninja poop-fest featuring drug dealing ninja, CIA operations and a completely irrelevant story from Thailand! If you've ever had the joy of watching these movies before then you'll know exactly what to expect here; Yes indeed, it's atrocious acting galore (just check out the 'actress' playing Peggy in this as she's actually clearly laughing in one scene in which she is being tortured!), abysmal dubbing/voice over work (I mean where in the hell do the makers find the voice over artists? And does ANYONE really speak like that?!) and enough daft plot contrivances to fill an average Australian soap opera for a whole year! Yey verily - this is indeed crap of the highest quality but oh so much fun! Just check out some of the hilarious highlights on offer in this which include: The aforementioned torture scene of Peggy during which a particularly sadistic ninja proceeds to repeatedly brand her before gleefully applying a cruel looking finger crushing contraption to her hands (and all the while he's cackling like a loony!) Also check out the truly horrific fashions the western actors are attired in... ye gods, it's enough to makes ones eyes bleed! The hero in this is especially guilty and spends his spare time (out of his ninja togs) dressed in a red and black stripy top with skin tight white jeans. Sort of like a hip and trendy Freddy Krueger in fact. The very best bit though is a completely bonkers scene in which in order to hide from our pursuing hero, the evil ninja transform themselves into... fish! Yes indeed you read that correctly! But it gets even better (or worse depending upon your viewpoint) for suddenly the ninja fish launch an all out attack on our man by flying out of the water at him and exploding! Good God! Who the hell thought this up?! As it happens, there's no time to ponder such matters for our hero quite rightly immediately sets about spearing the aquatic fiends on his sword! Alas, the head evil ninja uses this opportunity to launch a sneaky flying fish strike from behind, knocking our hero over before transforming back to human form. Well, what can one say about such a demented spectacle? - Why are you still reading this review? Rush out and track down a copy of this masterpiece at once! Also known as Twinkle Ninja Fantasy.