TROY'S REVIEW: Yep, it's yet another completely nonsensical cut & paste job from infamous hack maestro Tomas Tang featuring a mundane plot so confusing as to render one into a state of catatonia. This one also boasts some of the most inappropriate music ever to back an action scene - the sort of ear numbing strains one might very well expect to hear playing in a shopping centre in fact! Whilst the main body of the film is sadly a rather boring experience to sit through, the last five or so minutes do luckily more than make up for it. Witness in astonishment if you will, as our ninja pals battle it out with flying metal discs, a bullet firing parasol and last but not least a bizarre twirling thing which closely resembles the inner blade component of a food mixer! If this wasn't baffling enough, we are finally treated to a completely "What the hell?!!"-ending which appears to have been tacked on as an after thought! Truly deranged stuff indeed, but with Tang on the credits, what more could you possibly expect? Also known as Ninja Phantom Heroes USA.

TROY'S REVIEW: A decidedly mundane crime drama chronicling the tale of childhood friends Frankie and Albert who end up on opposite sides, forms the basis for this sadly somewhat forgettable cut & paste ninja entry brought to us by Joseph Lai's IFD production company.
Equally as sad, the ninja segments themselves are even fewer and further between than is normal in these flicks which proves to be a genuine shame. Having said the above, there are nonetheless a few high points worth mentioning for the record however, which certainly deliver a chuckle or two. For instance, check out the head evil ninja; a decidedly odd choice of casting if ever there was one in that he is, how shall I phrase this politely...a somewhat portly fellow to put it mildly.
Not only this, but you'll probably have to do a double take when you first lay eyes on the aforementioned ninja's main henchman who sports a mousy, curly moustache that would probably look more at home on the upper lip of a circus ringmaster! As a final note, may I recommend that when watching this film, you might be advised to have some sun glasses and a bucket at hand; the former to protect your vision from the garish, brightly coloured togs that our ninja pals are decked out in whilst the latter object may come in handy for when you set eyes upon the rather horrific series of shirts Harrison wears when in his guise as an officer of the law. Yep, stomach-churningly bad and veritable crimes against fashion they are! Tom Selleck/Magnum P.I. - all is forgiven my good man! Also known as Ninja Operation 4: Thunderbolt Angels.

A co-production between Japan and Mainland China, the latter camp is represented by the company that brought us the grand The South Shaolin Master but most polish is gone in Ninjas & Dragons. Starring Takagi Junya (a student of Sonny Chiba's and the replacement when the producers couldn't bring in Hiroyuki Sanada of Ninja In The Dragon's Den and The Twilight Samurai fame) as a Japanese ninja after revenge. He gets caught up in bigger warfare and comic interludes quite rightly at times favours fantasy weirdness but more often than not bores. An endless 83 minutes of dull and muddled plot only gets interrupted via such wonderful elements as the old witch hiding an acrobatic child under her cape and any ninja technique employed manages to be automatically cool. The ending achieves worthy status as it for a prolonged period of time brings above average elements and higher division kicking to an otherwise tough trek of a film.

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TROY'S REVIEW: Yes indeed, it's yet more cut & paste goodness featuring an understandably uncomfortable looking Richard Harrison. In this decidedly muddled entry he is seeking violent retribution against the evil purple ninjas led by Donald, a man who if the truth be told would look far more at home in a bowler hat and suit than in ninja togs. But I digress... Interwoven somewhat haphazardly into this tale of revenge we have a mightily depressing melodrama of sorts, detailing the ill fortunes of lifelong friends Tony, Sally and Teddy. And what a tale of woe it is; poverty, illness, disfigurement, rape, self mutilation and various gang related tribulations all feature in the space of a mere 85 or so minutes.
Damn, it's almost enough to make one want to end it all just watching it! Luckily for the viewer however, every now and then the action switches back to Harrison's ongoing quest to track down Donald, which invariably manifests as our hero takes on individual members of his nemesis's clan. Matters eventually reach a thrilling (or perhaps not so thrilling) climax when our hero does finally catch up with his intended quarry for the eponymous showdown of the films title. Whilst far from the best of its kind, fans of IFD lunacy will nonetheless be able to derive a fair quota of laughs from this typically inept effort. Richard Harrison, we salute you good sir!

TROY'S REVIEW: Great Scott! - Doth thou ears deceive thee or is that Jan Hammer's iconic theme to Miami Vice playing over the opening credits in this film? Yay verily; those honourable fellows at IFD obviously decided in all their wisdom to "borrow" said title track for this joyous ninja cut & paste outing. And what an outing it proves to be; undoubtedly one of the very best of its kind in fact, with both the ninja segments and the original stock film equally enjoyable (and predictably demented). Of special distinction, the newly edited in segments also account for a far greater percentage of the films overall running time than is usual with these flicks; approximately half of the total length in fact as opposed to the usual fifteen or so minutes. So what on earth is going on here?

Well, what we have are effectively two tales of revenge playing out simultaneously. In one, an incredibly acrobatic chap called Edmund is trying to find his father's killer by going around ripping open men's shirts in order to look at their tattoos (no, really he does!) whilst in the other Interpol agent and ninja to boot, Alvin seeks retribution on drugs kingpin Rudolph, who also happens to be a ninja and who furthermore had Alvin's wife murdered ('Boooooo!' 'Hisssssss!'). Taking Edmund's story first and damn - can this guy move! His crazy stunts include flipping over the top of an oncoming car, leaping off of a suspension bridge into the water hundreds of feet below and in another wince inducing scene, leaping through the rear window of a traveling bus. In fact Edmund appears to be pretty much impervious to dying. Take for instance the shocking number of times our hero manages to get stabbed in this flick. Hell, if one were to base a drinking game of one shot for every time Edmund gets a knife poked in him, then you can fully expect severe alcohol poisoning by the climax. Meanwhile, in the other story Alvin enlists the aid of his old ninja pal Gordon (Richard Harrison once again) to bring down Rudolph who has teamed up with yet another ninja boss called Normon. Yes indeed, this means that we actually have not just one, but TWO climatic ninja duels on the cards here.

Highlights on offer... well there's a plethora to choose from but check out especially such hilarious scenes as a particularly lapse police officer who after witnessing Edmund beating the hell out of a bunch of guys merely gives him a decidedly feeble verbal warning, another scene in which Edmund rips open a woman's blouse - somehow having previously failed to notice that she was in fact a woman and best of all of course, the double ninja battle finale, during which one ninja decides upon employing that ever traditional Ninjitsu weapon... the boomerang. Also known as Ninja Operation: Knight And Warrior.

TROY'S REVIEW: Well, it's an all too common problem; you dedicate your life to and train for years in the arts of ninjitsu. Then when you return home to see how the old folks are doing, you find that a hostile gang has taken over your town and that people refuse to recognize your ninja skills as a particularly useful commodity in the employment sector.
Such is the dilemma poor Billy faces in this typically daft but fun, cut & paste abomination brought to us by that stalwart of ineptitude, Mr Godfrey Ho. Talking of stalwarts, poor old Richard Harrison crops up here too, once again playing a ninja master called Gordon. As it transpires, Gordon is having a spot of bother of his own involving a fellow ninja going under the name of Ivan The Red. This thoroughly unpleasant chap has ambitions to claim the 'Supreme Ninja Power' (whatever the hell that might be) from Gordon and furthermore has a curious predilection for collecting the headbands he removes from other ninjas he slays, which he then sends to Gordon to goad him into combat. Interestingly, Ivan is also invariably accompanied by a particularly cool soundtrack whenever he appears onscreen. Hmmmm, I must remember to get myself one of those. Will Billy manage to sort out the evil extortion gangs and find a job? Will Gordon manage to defeat the sneering Ivan The Red? Does anyone really care? All will be revealed if, as I wholeheartedly recommend, you rush out and grab a copy of this joyously demented flick as soon as possible.

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TROY'S REVIEW: Shock horror! The evil leader of the Black Ninja clan has stolen the legendary Sword of Catastrophe from its traditional custodians, the Golden Ninjas! Even more potentially calamitous, the evil ninja intends to put to the test the legend that accompanies the mighty weapon. For it is said that should the blade taste the blood of the leaders of all the other ninja clans, then its user will become omnipotent and rule the world! Needless to say, this is a grave situation that only Gordon, heir to the Golden ninja throne, can avert. However, in order to combat the black ninja and subsequently prevent his evil ambitions from becoming a reality, Gordon requires the help of Jim - a down on his luck, odd job man who is cohabiting with a similarly unfortunate chap called Mickey Mouse (I swear I'm not making this up!) and who it later transpires is suffering from tuberculosis (cheery this flick ain't!). Yes, what we have here are predictably, two completely non related films interwoven via the magic of inept editing and overdubbing to create a decidedly baffling, melodrama/ninja flick hybrid. And what tremendous fun it proves to be to with plenty of colourful ninja duels, the usual plethora of God awful voice over work and a soundtrack stolen from 80's pop group Alphaville! Highly recommended stuff - especially for the mentally unhinged. Also known as Ninja Operation 2: Way Of Challenge.

TROY'S REVIEW: Oh dear, trouble's very much afoot in the ninja empire after three of its members (including one chap who in some scenes, bears an uncanny resemblance to Ozzy Osbourne!) take it upon themselves to steal the three separate comprising segments of the Golden Ninja Warrior statue. Unfortunately, quite as to why they decide upon such drastic, not to mention dishonourable action is never adequately explained. What we are privy to however, is that the bearer of the statue or any part of it is bequeathed with magical powers. Namely an anatomical invulnerability corresponding to the particular part of the statue that they possess. Of course, the theft itself is much frowned upon by the head of the ninjas who is subsequently swift to dispatch his underlings with the intent to kill the thieves and retrieve the missing parts. If this weren't extreme enough, further unorthodox terror tactics are also employed against those responsible, such as sending toy robots to their homes bearing threatening messages! Yes, you did indeed just read that last bit correctly. Terrifying tactics and I'm sure you'll agree. Inter cut into this tale we have another particularly entertaining story featuring undoubtedly one of the coolest protagonists ever to grace any film. His name, Jaguar Wong. Words simply don't do this chap justice but suffice to say, here is a man who just loves to smirk, fight and chew gum! You really have to see him in action to fully appreciate just how awesomely cool he is but trust me when I say this, his over self confidence is enough to make even James Bond look insecure by comparison! All in all, this IFD effort proves to be a hoot from start to glorious finish and is truly intrinsic viewing for all bad movie lovers. Just beware of those toy robots!

Tomas Tang's Filmark's presentation comes with so many hilariously made up credits that you can't even read half of them during the explosive opening. Some concern and surprises resides in his production though as we're not sure initially if Alexander Lo's scenes are old or Tang's newly shot stuff. They're certainly almost above and beyond any of their own shot stuff on a technical level (still not good) prior or since and even features some fluid choreography. But our questions are answered as quality of film stock changes and attempts to match eras fail as a Phillip Ko Fei populated 1940s actioner takes center stage. Filmark constructs a plot featuring an insane amount of gangs and covert, extraordinarily complex hand signals (who knows what their main purpose was in the original...) while Lo and gwailo partner do their damndest to interact with the other flick. The combo is as always fun and a wee bit fascinating, especially so since Tang and company even go to the lengths of shooting doubles from the back that are supposed to be characters in our original flick. A little ninja here, a little technique there plus a host of Westerners dubbed in the most ill fitting of ways, Ninja, The Battalion will find a very small home with the Z-grade cinema fans. It will probably be most fondly remembered for a totally unwarranted Ninja suicide towards the end that is capped with the line: "Glorious Ninja death!".

TROY'S REVIEW: Brace yourselves, it's cut & paste time yet again! Yes, here we are once more with a decidedly bewildering tale brought to us by that ever loveable rogue and veritable affront to cinematic good taste, Mr Godfrey Ho. And what does our favourite director cook up for us here? Well, true to his tried and tested formula we have a completely nonsensical story which features a heady mix of soft-core pornography, modeling, adultery, a counterfeit money operation, teenage angst and motorbike dueling ninjas! Seriously, what more could anyone wish for in a film? And if the above doesn't sound like it makes one jot of sense on paper, then believe me, it makes even less so on screen! Bad movie lovers, gather around my brethren - the Ho'ster strikes gold yet again!

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HK Flix.com