TROY'S REVIEW: Well, it's an all too common problem; you dedicate your life to and train for years in the arts of ninjitsu. Then when you return home to see how the old folks are doing, you find that a hostile gang has taken over your town and that people refuse to recognize your ninja skills as a particularly useful commodity in the employment sector.
Such is the dilemma poor Billy faces in this typically daft but fun, cut & paste abomination brought to us by that stalwart of ineptitude, Mr Godfrey Ho. Talking of stalwarts, poor old Richard Harrison crops up here too, once again playing a ninja master called Gordon. As it transpires, Gordon is having a spot of bother of his own involving a fellow ninja going under the name of Ivan The Red. This thoroughly unpleasant chap has ambitions to claim the 'Supreme Ninja Power' (whatever the hell that might be) from Gordon and furthermore has a curious predilection for collecting the headbands he removes from other ninjas he slays, which he then sends to Gordon to goad him into combat. Interestingly, Ivan is also invariably accompanied by a particularly cool soundtrack whenever he appears onscreen. Hmmmm, I must remember to get myself one of those. Will Billy manage to sort out the evil extortion gangs and find a job? Will Gordon manage to defeat the sneering Ivan The Red? Does anyone really care? All will be revealed if, as I wholeheartedly recommend, you rush out and grab a copy of this joyously demented flick as soon as possible.

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TROY'S REVIEW: Shock horror! The evil leader of the Black Ninja clan has stolen the legendary Sword of Catastrophe from its traditional custodians, the Golden Ninjas! Even more potentially calamitous, the evil ninja intends to put to the test the legend that accompanies the mighty weapon. For it is said that should the blade taste the blood of the leaders of all the other ninja clans, then its user will become omnipotent and rule the world! Needless to say, this is a grave situation that only Gordon, heir to the Golden ninja throne, can avert. However, in order to combat the black ninja and subsequently prevent his evil ambitions from becoming a reality, Gordon requires the help of Jim - a down on his luck, odd job man who is cohabiting with a similarly unfortunate chap called Mickey Mouse (I swear I'm not making this up!) and who it later transpires is suffering from tuberculosis (cheery this flick ain't!). Yes, what we have here are predictably, two completely non related films interwoven via the magic of inept editing and overdubbing to create a decidedly baffling, melodrama/ninja flick hybrid. And what tremendous fun it proves to be to with plenty of colourful ninja duels, the usual plethora of God awful voice over work and a soundtrack stolen from 80's pop group Alphaville! Highly recommended stuff - especially for the mentally unhinged. Also known as Ninja Operation 2: Way Of Challenge.

TROY'S REVIEW: Oh dear, trouble's very much afoot in the ninja empire after three of its members (including one chap who in some scenes, bears an uncanny resemblance to Ozzy Osbourne!) take it upon themselves to steal the three separate comprising segments of the Golden Ninja Warrior statue. Unfortunately, quite as to why they decide upon such drastic, not to mention dishonourable action is never adequately explained. What we are privy to however, is that the bearer of the statue or any part of it is bequeathed with magical powers. Namely an anatomical invulnerability corresponding to the particular part of the statue that they possess. Of course, the theft itself is much frowned upon by the head of the ninjas who is subsequently swift to dispatch his underlings with the intent to kill the thieves and retrieve the missing parts. If this weren't extreme enough, further unorthodox terror tactics are also employed against those responsible, such as sending toy robots to their homes bearing threatening messages! Yes, you did indeed just read that last bit correctly. Terrifying tactics and I'm sure you'll agree. Inter cut into this tale we have another particularly entertaining story featuring undoubtedly one of the coolest protagonists ever to grace any film. His name, Jaguar Wong. Words simply don't do this chap justice but suffice to say, here is a man who just loves to smirk, fight and chew gum! You really have to see him in action to fully appreciate just how awesomely cool he is but trust me when I say this, his over self confidence is enough to make even James Bond look insecure by comparison! All in all, this IFD effort proves to be a hoot from start to glorious finish and is truly intrinsic viewing for all bad movie lovers. Just beware of those toy robots!

Tomas Tang's Filmark's presentation comes with so many hilariously made up credits that you can't even read half of them during the explosive opening. Some concern and surprises resides in his production though as we're not sure initially if Alexander Lo's scenes are old or Tang's newly shot stuff. They're certainly almost above and beyond any of their own shot stuff on a technical level (still not good) prior or since and even features some fluid choreography. But our questions are answered as quality of film stock changes and attempts to match eras fail as a Phillip Ko Fei populated 1940s actioner takes center stage. Filmark constructs a plot featuring an insane amount of gangs and covert, extraordinarily complex hand signals (who knows what their main purpose was in the original...) while Lo and gwailo partner do their damndest to interact with the other flick. The combo is as always fun and a wee bit fascinating, especially so since Tang and company even go to the lengths of shooting doubles from the back that are supposed to be characters in our original flick. A little ninja here, a little technique there plus a host of Westerners dubbed in the most ill fitting of ways, Ninja, The Battalion will find a very small home with the Z-grade cinema fans. It will probably be most fondly remembered for a totally unwarranted Ninja suicide towards the end that is capped with the line: "Glorious Ninja death!".

TROY'S REVIEW: Brace yourselves, it's cut & paste time yet again! Yes, here we are once more with a decidedly bewildering tale brought to us by that ever loveable rogue and veritable affront to cinematic good taste, Mr Godfrey Ho. And what does our favourite director cook up for us here? Well, true to his tried and tested formula we have a completely nonsensical story which features a heady mix of soft-core pornography, modeling, adultery, a counterfeit money operation, teenage angst and motorbike dueling ninjas! Seriously, what more could anyone wish for in a film? And if the above doesn't sound like it makes one jot of sense on paper, then believe me, it makes even less so on screen! Bad movie lovers, gather around my brethren - the Ho'ster strikes gold yet again!

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TROY'S REVIEW: Wow! Here's a story line you won't find every day and that's for sure! We have a completely insane tale featuring hopping former gambling addicted vampires, vengeance-seeking ghosts, bizarre esoteric incantations, a study of the negative psychological and physiological effects of alcohol addiction, the despair of suicide, spectacular displays of 'dice-fu' and finally, ninjas! Ok, I know what you're thinking... How can such a wacky set of ingredients produce a cohesive plot? Well, the answer of course is that it doesn't, but who the hell cares! Needless to say, it will subsequently, likely come as very little surprise to find the name Tomas Tang attached to this completely demented effort.

Made up of footage from To Catch A Thief (made in 1984 and starring Don Wong & Yusuaki Kurata) and ninja footage directed by Godfrey Ho, the re-working of the original turning into Ninja Thunderbolt is one of IFD's lesser "treasures" due to it TRYING. Although no flicks of theirs even approached good, there is a notion in my head that IFD never should've attempted real life filmmaking. They were too poor for that and surely excess, hokey behaviour and logic of the ill kind must've made for a more fruitful (money-making) commercial experience? I don't have the entire catalogue to compare but perhaps they did indeed move away from attempts at battling it out with serious filmmaking, Ninja Thunderbolt is by means boring when discussing content though, firstly talking about the quite obsessive goals of the ninja clan ("If the dead rise up against us, we'll kill them too!"). One of them is out there posing as a cop (Richard Harrison), all while a jade statue is the main objective of the plot that then concerns both flicks. At least one attempt at "clever" merging of the flicks is evident (a scene with smoke featuring Don Wong that cuts to a scene with smoke featuring Harrison) but neither filmmaker at hand really injects an asskicking factor. Whether it's for action purposes (although the Taiwan flick certainly try) or when Godfrey Ho is creating ninja magic. Colour is injected via rollerblading assassins and the final ninja fight even presents morals of the ninja clan being askew so statements are even made...badly! It deserves minute love then.

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TROY'S REVIEW: Enigmatic producer Tomas Tang delivers yet another rousing and puissant tale of courage, love, personal conflict and loyalty in this spellbinding epic that once seen, will remain with you forever. I'm talking a complete load of crap of course... In fact this is a typical Tang hack job featuring some hilariously inept acting performances, a ridiculously muddled plot and some decidedly dreadful martial arts sequences that even a bunch of Power Rangers-emulating, primary school children could probably top! But, as if by some miraculous, divine intervention, far from sinking this cinematic wreck, all these negative traits actually serve bizarrely to work FOR the film! Yes, this is so hopelessly rendered that it in fact plays out like a comedy of errors and will have you rolling around on the floor with laughter guaranteed. Best bit of all? Check out the particularly risible attempt at a heartfelt ending in this (yes, I'm not kidding either), complete with a poorly implemented, instrumental arrangement of the Whitney Houston classic, "The Greatest Love Of All" (!) Cry you will indeed... tears of laughter that is! Ah, if only all films were so ridiculously fun. Also known as Ninja And The Warriors Of Fire.

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KENNETH'S REVIEW: Story of the underdog that rises like a phoenix out of the ashes only to subsequently not go on a winning path. In Kuk Kok-Leung's effective Nobody's Hero, nobody WINS!. In one of his very best performances, Liu Wai-Hung is Leung Gun, a taxi driver with a desire to do something about the lack of order in the society around him. Being colour blind prevents him from being accepted as a police but anyone can be a security guard. Pride and confident but being deemed ugly by everyone and being abandoned in a cruel way by MOST around him, his meeting with blind Jane (Kathy Chow) sets him on his path. Oh it's all very cheery and sweet but since she is watched over by her triad uncle that uses her to smuggle drugs, Leung Gun draws closer to finding his bravery but a bloody fate as well...

One of the very few Hong Kong flicks that can argue its mood-switches are plausible for the story. With our lead, the consequences of his bravery triggers some of the very best in terms of Hong Kong cinema grit and gore. It's a piece with fine pace, momentum and despite being rough around the edges (the Leung/Jane story isn't THAT engaging), Nobody's Hero possesses balls, teeth and power to deem it an underrated sleeper. Written by Tsang Kan-Cheung (director of Intruder) and co-starring Sunny Fang who is blessed with a typically demented, evil character. And the flick thanks him for it.

Well-mounted cop-drama by Billy Chan that has a for once structured and layered screenplay backing up the production, courtesy of City On Fire writer Tommy Sham. In one of his better "Lee Sir" performances, Danny Lee is a cop surrounded with the age old struggle of trying to be a father and husband at the same time. His wife jenny (Carol Cheng) has seen his colleagues meet their fate one by one over the years and now mounts a campaign to get her husband to quit the dangerous job. She even goes as far as moving out in an instant, with their son. Meanwhile the hunt is on for a ruthless pair of Mainland criminals, a husband and wife unit played by Lam Wai (Long Arm Of The Law) and Pauline Wong (Her Vengeance)...

Effectively built up from that crucial point we enter from frame one, where Carol Cheng's Jenny makes the decision to want to stop worrying anymore, the script calls for dramatic situations within this relationship that very easily could've fallen into overdone territory but director Chan's performers are with the material and there's even clever structuring around mentioned familiarity. Perhaps the most striking element in that regard is the internal similarity between the couple on the wrong side and right side of the law. Aided by outbursts of violence and gore (most memorable being Pauline Wong's surgery on her own gun wound), you also get an in-tune score by Richard Yuen and moody cinematography that adds up to one of the more well-told genre pictures of its kind. Ken Lo, Wu Ma, Billy Lau and Shing Fui-On also appear while Kam Hang-Yin also makes the most of his brief role as a doctor forced to deliver the baby of Pauline's character.

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