TROY'S REVIEW: Oh dear, trouble's very much afoot in the ninja empire after three of its members (including one chap who in some scenes, bears an uncanny resemblance to Ozzy Osbourne!) take it upon themselves to steal the three separate comprising segments of the Golden Ninja Warrior statue. Unfortunately, quite as to why they decide upon such drastic, not to mention dishonourable action is never adequately explained. What we are privy to however, is that the bearer of the statue or any part of it is bequeathed with magical powers. Namely an anatomical invulnerability corresponding to the particular part of the statue that they possess. Of course, the theft itself is much frowned upon by the head of the ninjas who is subsequently swift to dispatch his underlings with the intent to kill the thieves and retrieve the missing parts. If this weren't extreme enough, further unorthodox terror tactics are also employed against those responsible, such as sending toy robots to their homes bearing threatening messages! Yes, you did indeed just read that last bit correctly. Terrifying tactics and I'm sure you'll agree. Inter cut into this tale we have another particularly entertaining story featuring undoubtedly one of the coolest protagonists ever to grace any film. His name, Jaguar Wong. Words simply don't do this chap justice but suffice to say, here is a man who just loves to smirk, fight and chew gum! You really have to see him in action to fully appreciate just how awesomely cool he is but trust me when I say this, his over self confidence is enough to make even James Bond look insecure by comparison! All in all, this IFD effort proves to be a hoot from start to glorious finish and is truly intrinsic viewing for all bad movie lovers. Just beware of those toy robots!

Tomas Tang's Filmark's presentation comes with so many hilariously made up credits that you can't even read half of them during the explosive opening. Some concern and surprises resides in his production though as we're not sure initially if Alexander Lo's scenes are old or Tang's newly shot stuff. They're certainly almost above and beyond any of their own shot stuff on a technical level (still not good) prior or since and even features some fluid choreography. But our questions are answered as quality of film stock changes and attempts to match eras fail as a Phillip Ko Fei populated 1940s actioner takes center stage. Filmark constructs a plot featuring an insane amount of gangs and covert, extraordinarily complex hand signals (who knows what their main purpose was in the original...) while Lo and gwailo partner do their damndest to interact with the other flick. The combo is as always fun and a wee bit fascinating, especially so since Tang and company even go to the lengths of shooting doubles from the back that are supposed to be characters in our original flick. A little ninja here, a little technique there plus a host of Westerners dubbed in the most ill fitting of ways, Ninja, The Battalion will find a very small home with the Z-grade cinema fans. It will probably be most fondly remembered for a totally unwarranted Ninja suicide towards the end that is capped with the line: "Glorious Ninja death!".

TROY'S REVIEW: Brace yourselves, it's cut & paste time yet again! Yes, here we are once more with a decidedly bewildering tale brought to us by that ever loveable rogue and veritable affront to cinematic good taste, Mr Godfrey Ho. And what does our favourite director cook up for us here? Well, true to his tried and tested formula we have a completely nonsensical story which features a heady mix of soft-core pornography, modeling, adultery, a counterfeit money operation, teenage angst and motorbike dueling ninjas! Seriously, what more could anyone wish for in a film? And if the above doesn't sound like it makes one jot of sense on paper, then believe me, it makes even less so on screen! Bad movie lovers, gather around my brethren - the Ho'ster strikes gold yet again!

Buy the DVD at:
HK Flix.com

TROY'S REVIEW: Wow! Here's a story line you won't find every day and that's for sure! We have a completely insane tale featuring hopping former gambling addicted vampires, vengeance-seeking ghosts, bizarre esoteric incantations, a study of the negative psychological and physiological effects of alcohol addiction, the despair of suicide, spectacular displays of 'dice-fu' and finally, ninjas! Ok, I know what you're thinking... How can such a wacky set of ingredients produce a cohesive plot? Well, the answer of course is that it doesn't, but who the hell cares! Needless to say, it will subsequently, likely come as very little surprise to find the name Tomas Tang attached to this completely demented effort.

Made up of footage from To Catch A Thief (made in 1984 and starring Don Wong & Yusuaki Kurata) and ninja footage directed by Godfrey Ho, the re-working of the original turning into Ninja Thunderbolt is one of IFD's lesser "treasures" due to it TRYING. Although no flicks of theirs even approached good, there is a notion in my head that IFD never should've attempted real life filmmaking. They were too poor for that and surely excess, hokey behaviour and logic of the ill kind must've made for a more fruitful (money-making) commercial experience? I don't have the entire catalogue to compare but perhaps they did indeed move away from attempts at battling it out with serious filmmaking, Ninja Thunderbolt is by means boring when discussing content though, firstly talking about the quite obsessive goals of the ninja clan ("If the dead rise up against us, we'll kill them too!"). One of them is out there posing as a cop (Richard Harrison), all while a jade statue is the main objective of the plot that then concerns both flicks. At least one attempt at "clever" merging of the flicks is evident (a scene with smoke featuring Don Wong that cuts to a scene with smoke featuring Harrison) but neither filmmaker at hand really injects an asskicking factor. Whether it's for action purposes (although the Taiwan flick certainly try) or when Godfrey Ho is creating ninja magic. Colour is injected via rollerblading assassins and the final ninja fight even presents morals of the ninja clan being askew so statements are even made...badly! It deserves minute love then.

Buy the DVD at:
HK Flix.com
Yesasia.com

Distributed by but also presented by Ocean Shores, Ninja Vs Ninja might be a rare foray into the cut & paste techniques as "perfected" by IFD and Filmark by someone other than them! Or Ocean Shores simple ejected Filmark's (no ninja headbands here so IFD is excluded and I'm going with the Filmark assumption) own credit sequence and replaced it with their own (that acts as a highlight reel of what's to come). Regardless, mixing footage with Westerners (among others Louis Roth in a very brief appearance) and Western ninjas, they've inserted the above into the 1981 thriller The Bomb-Shell (also distributed on video by Ocean Shores), starring Norman Tsui and Wilson Tong. Keeping the plot of undercover cops being killed off that eventually leads into the mad, mad, mad, mad bomber-story taking center stage, just a tiny sprinkle of ninjas having to do with all this is added and it's essentially why Ninja Vs Ninja doesn't make enough noise. The film is still The Bomb-Shell and aside from always wonderful ninja techniques like traveling underground and multiplying yourself, we're merely left to again appreciate the gritty, violent nature of the original.

Buy the DVD at:
HK Flix.com

A further deep dive into the career of Romano Kristoff in the Philippines, this time he's thankfully relegated to supporting villain and kept off the directing chair, hence Ninja Warriors compared to Ninja's Force is nowhere near as much of a sleeping pill but instead piles on a good amount of B-movie ninja energy and imagery. The usual nonsense of a secret formula and the American cops employing Steve the ninja (Ron Marchini) to help catch them doesn't mean the finest pace but John Lloyd does well highlighting what an 80s VHS crowd would want out of a ninja movie. Initially it's gas masks ninjas who are painfully slow diggers but nonetheless, we're in for not evenly paced shenanigans that STILL shows the Hong Kong flavour was absolutely needed for the bad ninja fare. Hail IFD and Filmark.

TROY'S REVIEW: Enigmatic producer Tomas Tang delivers yet another rousing and puissant tale of courage, love, personal conflict and loyalty in this spellbinding epic that once seen, will remain with you forever. I'm talking a complete load of crap of course... In fact this is a typical Tang hack job featuring some hilariously inept acting performances, a ridiculously muddled plot and some decidedly dreadful martial arts sequences that even a bunch of Power Rangers-emulating, primary school children could probably top! But, as if by some miraculous, divine intervention, far from sinking this cinematic wreck, all these negative traits actually serve bizarrely to work FOR the film! Yes, this is so hopelessly rendered that it in fact plays out like a comedy of errors and will have you rolling around on the floor with laughter guaranteed. Best bit of all? Check out the particularly risible attempt at a heartfelt ending in this (yes, I'm not kidding either), complete with a poorly implemented, instrumental arrangement of the Whitney Houston classic, "The Greatest Love Of All" (!) Cry you will indeed... tears of laughter that is! Ah, if only all films were so ridiculously fun. Also known as Ninja And The Warriors Of Fire.

Buy the DVD at:
HK Flix.com

A renovator (Jacky Cheung) and interior designer (Carol Cheng) hate each other initially and are on the same project together but when these two of different status and wealth have a proper sitdown, they bond...

The simple setup for something formulaic and expected for sure but director Norman Chan have some tricks up his sleeves, most of which has to do with the easy going chemistry of Jacky Cheung and Carol Cheng. It's simply very pleasant watching those characters interact, both coming with emotional baggage having to do with abandonment. There's genuine heartbreak evident in both and The Nobles thrives quite a bit with it's breezy, commercial and human tone. Heck, even the resolution is a lot more grown up than what's expected out of a rom/com with stars! Also with Michael Wong and Bill Tung.

Buy the DVD at:
Yesasia.com

KENNETH'S REVIEW: Story of the underdog that rises like a phoenix out of the ashes only to subsequently not go on a winning path. In Kuk Kok-Leung's effective Nobody's Hero, nobody WINS!. In one of his very best performances, Liu Wai-Hung is Leung Gun, a taxi driver with a desire to do something about the lack of order in the society around him. Being colour blind prevents him from being accepted as a police but anyone can be a security guard. Pride and confident but being deemed ugly by everyone and being abandoned in a cruel way by MOST around him, his meeting with blind Jane (Kathy Chow) sets him on his path. Oh it's all very cheery and sweet but since she is watched over by her triad uncle that uses her to smuggle drugs, Leung Gun draws closer to finding his bravery but a bloody fate as well...

One of the very few Hong Kong flicks that can argue its mood-switches are plausible for the story. With our lead, the consequences of his bravery triggers some of the very best in terms of Hong Kong cinema grit and gore. It's a piece with fine pace, momentum and despite being rough around the edges (the Leung/Jane story isn't THAT engaging), Nobody's Hero possesses balls, teeth and power to deem it an underrated sleeper. Written by Tsang Kan-Cheung (director of Intruder) and co-starring Sunny Fang who is blessed with a typically demented, evil character. And the flick thanks him for it.